"640K ought to be enough for anybody." (Bill Gates '81)
"A conclusion is the place where you get tired of thinking." (Arthur Bloch)
"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject." (Winston Churchill)
"A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience." (Doug Larson)
"A slipping sear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit." -- U.S. Army PS magazine, August 1993 issue
"All life's answers are on TV." (Bart Simpson)
"And I don't like doing silly things (except on purpose)." --Larry Wall
"Anyone who isn't using a CSS-supporting browser by now is clearly more interested in browsing the content with a stable browser, than in fussing about the appearance." (Alan J. Flavell)
"Apple" (c) 6024 b.c., Adam & Eve
"Apple" (c) Copyright 1767, Sir Isaac Newton.
"Being happy isn't always fun." (Fassbinder, Pre-Paradise Sorry Now)
"Build a watch in 56,179 easy steps" by C. Forsberg.
"But honey, we need a 2 gig drive for word processing!"
"C++" should have been called "D"
"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow." --Jeff Valdez
"Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer." --Bruce Graham
"Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later." --Mary Bly
"Dope will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no dope." -- The Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers
"Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity."
"Freedom defined is freedom denied." (The Illuminatus)
"Girlfriend pregnant error - [A]bort [I]gnore [M]arry?"
"Good morning!" is an opinion, not a greeting.
"Help save the world!" --Larry Wall in README
"Hex Dump" - Where Witches put used curses?
"How to Boil Water, in 500 easy steps" by Chuck Forsberg.
"I am the Supreme Being, you know. I'm not entirely dim." -- God in Terry Gilliam's "Time Bandits"
"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change." -- U.S. Vice President Dan Quayle, 5/22/89
"I couldn't think of anything else to do with it, so I put it on the Web" -- anon
"I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem." -- Ashleigh Brilliant
"I find this a nice feature but it is not according to the documentation. Or is it a BUG?" "Let's call it an accidental feature. :-)" Larry Wall
"I gave up smoking, drinking and sex. It was the most horrifying 20 minutes of my life!"
"I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by."
"I may be synthetic, but I'm not stupid." -- Bishop in "Aliens"
"I once absend-mindedly ordered Three Mile Island dressing in a restaurant and, with they brought Thousand Island Dressing and a bottle of chili sauce." (Terry Pratchett)
"I put a slice of Bologna in each shoe; that way I FEEL funny." --Steve Martin
"I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer." --Douglas Adams
"I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died." -- Steven Wright
"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people." -- U.S. Vice President Dan Quayle
"I'm here to chew bubble gum and kick ass... and I'm all out of bubble gum." -- "They Live"
"I'm not an actor, but I play one on TV"
"I'm not smart enough to lie" (Ronald Reagan)
"If the shoe fits, buy it." (Imelda Marcos)
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." -- U.S. Vice President Dan Quayle
"If you can't make it good, make it LOOK good." (Bill Gates)
"If you don't like having choices made for you, you should start making your own." (Neal Stephenson, In the beginning was the Command Line)
"If you need me, just call. You know how to dial, don't you? You just put your finger in the hole and make tiny little circles." -- Rachel Ward explains... phone usage in "Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid"
"It hurt real bad." (John Bobbit)
"It is not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end." (Douglas Adams)
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." -- U.S. Vice President Dan Quayle
"It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. *No one* ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things." (Terry Pratchett, Jingo)
"Je kunt de band nog zo mooi plakken, als je de spijker er niet uithaalt, wordt het niks." (Klazien uit Zalk)
"Keyboard?  How quaint!" (Scotty)
"Laundry should be the only thing separated by color." -- anon
"Luke... Luke... Use the MOUSE, Luke" (Obi Wan Gates)
"MEOW"...SPLAT..."RUFF"...SPLAT...(Raining cats & dogs)
"Managing senior programmers is like herding cats." --Dave Platt
"Mars is essentially in the same orbit... Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe." -- U.S. Vice President Dan Quayle, 8/11/89
"My wife said she was going to put the dinner on. Imagine my surprise when she walked in the living room with a freshly made casserole poured over her head. How we laughed on the way to the burns unit". -- anonymous
"No, I said Bud Light!" - Captain of the Hindenburg
"Of course they beat up people. The whole point of government is that it does things that you're not allowed to do, like beat people, kill people, steal their property, kidnap and imprison them, etc. If they couldn't do things you couldn't do, why would you need them?" -- Phil Ngai
"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning." - Rich Cook
"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child." -- U.S. Vice President Dan Quayle
"Rock mot rus" er som "pølse mot lompe". -K. Nærum
"Scotty. hurry. beam me" uragg^**** NO CARRIER.
"Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well." --Missy Dizick
"Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar" - Freud
"Stupid" is a boundless concept.
"Suicide Hotline...please hold."
"That's fine" -> What to say when the given condition is anything but.
"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century." -- U.S. Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/15/88
"The faster you go, the shorter you are" (Albert Einstein)
"The font size chosen by the user as a comfortable default (1 em) provides more truly useful information about the rendering environment than all the resolution-sniffing, window-querying, "open-this-wide" logic you can throw at the problem. Between CSS em units for resolution-independence, and percentages for aspect independence[...], you've got what you need to do rich, dynamic  visual design that's highly degradable, maintainable, user-friendly, and fat-free!" (Todd Fahrner, The Amazing Em Unit)
"The future will be better tomorrow." -- U.S. Vice President Dan Quayle
"The importance of using the technology in the right way has never been more clear than now." (Bill Gates)
"The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated." (Mark Twain)
"The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity." -- Harlan Ellison
"The war isn't the war between the blacks and the whites, the liberals and the conservatives, or the Federation and the Romulans. It's between the clueful and the clueless." (an anonymous poster on cypherpunks list)
"There are lies, damned lies, and statistics." (Mark Twain)
"There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast." -Unknown
"There's someone in my head, but its not me." (Pink Floyd)
"Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this." -Anonymous
"Trespassers will be." -- Buddhist warning sign
"Uh honey, a P5 with a 20" monitor is perfect for mail"
"Ummm, Trouble with grammar have I! Yes!" (Yoda)
"Usenet is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea -- massive, difficult to redirect, awe-inspiring, entertaining, and a source of mind-boggling amounts of excrement when you least expect it." -- Gene Spafford
"Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things." -- U.S. Vice President Dan Quayle, 11/30/88
"WHO CARES where Carmen Sandiego is?"
"Waiter, there's no fly in my soup!" (Kermit)
"We all enter this world in the same way: naked; screaming; soaked in blood. But if you live your life right, that kind of thing doesn't have to stop there." -- Dana Gould
"We are on an irreversable trend towards more feedom and democracy - but that could change" (Dan Quayle)
"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur." -- U.S. Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/22/90
"We don't want to go back to tomorrow, we want to go forward." -- U.S. Vice President Dan Quayle
"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe." -- U.S. Vice President Dan Quayle
"We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world." -- U.S. Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/21/88
"What is the sound of Perl? Is it not the sound of a wall that people have stopped banging their heads against?" --Larry Wall
"Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?"
"Who's the more foolish? The fool or the one who follows him?" (Obi-Wan Kenobi)
"You can't have everything. Where would you put it?" (Steven Wright)
"You can't have filenames longer than 14 chars. You can't even think about them!" --Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution
"You have reached the quarters of Ambassador Kosh Naranek. At the sound of the harp glissando, please leave a two-word message." -- yet another obscure Babylon 5 answering machine message
"[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system." -- U.S. Vice President Dan Quayle
#define NULL 0 /* silly thing is, we don't even use this */ --Larry Wall in perl.c from the perl source code
#define SIGILL 6 /* blech */ --Larry Wall in perl.c from the perl source code
#else /* !STDSTDIO */ /* The big, slow, and stupid way */ --Larry Wall in str.c from the perl source code
#include SWEEPING_GENERALITY.h
$$$ not found --  (A)bort (R)efinance (B)ankrupt
'640K ought to be enough for anybody.' - Bill Gates, 1981
'Apple' (c) Copyright 1767, Sir Isaac Newton.
'God is dead'-Nietzche 'Nietzche is dead'-God
'Hex Dump'- Where Witches put used Curses?
'I drank WHAT!?' - Socrates
'None of the Above' for President.
'Push to test' ..<click>.. 'Release to detonate'
'The only victory over love is flight.' Napoleon
'Tis better to be thought a fool, then to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
(A)bort (R)etry (I)nfluence with large hammer
(A)bort (R)etry (T)hermonuclear Re-education
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)*ckup completely?
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail, (G)rab_Hammer
(A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer?
(A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore, (S)orry I Asked!
(A)bort, (R)etry, (I)nfluence with large hammer
(A)bort, (R)etry, (P)retend this never happened...
(A)bort, (R)etry, (S)mack the friggin thing
(A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network?
(A)bort,(R)etry,(C)ontinue to try until it goes away?
(D)inner not ready:  (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza
(You can have your cake) XOR (You can eat your cake)
*** The previous line contains the naughty word "$&".\n if /(ibm|apple|awk)/; # :-) --Larry Wall in the perl man page
*I* didn't do it, the *computer* did it!
*IT IS* documented, look under "For Internal Use Only."
*NOW* is a point in time that is already gone.
- By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail. -
- Hi, Baby, do you want to faq?
... Every morning is the dawn of a new error...
... File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
... I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on tape somewhere
... New Mail not found. Executing Blame Sysop Sequence..
... it is predictable, but I wouldn't like to predict it myself. - C. Lawson
......64..65...66...67...68...69... "STOP RIGHT THERE!"
.....File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
.....If it ain't broke, fix it anyway just to screw it up!
...I love children! They taste just like chicken.
...I multi-task, I read in the bathroom.
...Put knot yore trust inn spel chequers
...So simple a child could do it? Go find me a child!
...and I betcha she can say it in 10 different languages!
.core-files  -  The truth is in there!
/* dbmrefcnt--; */ /* doesn't work, rats */ --Larry Wall in hash.c from the perl source code
/EARTH is 98% full. Please delete anybody you can
1 + 1 = ?  Ask my calculator.
1 + 2 = 3; Therefore, 4 + 5 = 6.
1 = 2, for sufficiently large values of 1.
1 Minute Shut Mouth Worth 1 Hour Explanation
10 days and 18 messages later, "Oh I understand now"
10 out of 5 doctors feel it's OK to be skitzo!
100,000 lemmings can't be wrong.
1024x768x256.... Sounds like one mean woman.
11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbor's Pentium.
1948 - A novel for dyslexics by George Orwell.
1st rule of intelligent tinkering - save all the parts.
2 + 2 = 4 (for the time being).
2 + 2 = 5 (for sufficiently large values of 2)
2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
24 hours in a day and 24 beers in a case. A coincidence?
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case, Hmmm.....
24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence?
2B|!2B
3 things occur when you age.. 1) memory goes 2) uh.. um.
355/113 -- Not the famous irrational number PI, but an incredible simulation!
43% of all statistics are made up.
43rd Law of Computing: Anything that can go wr...
5 schizophrenics agree!
74% of all statistics are made up on the spot
89.6% of all statistics are wrong.
9 out of 10 men who tried Camels prefer women.
90% of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at!
:) :D :O :( :[ ;) 8) B) :> |I :P =) :S :B :] :\
<-------- The information went data way --------->
A .45 beats a royal flush EVERY TIME
A Bugless Program is an Abstract Theoretical Concept.
A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
A DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor You feel righteous.
A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
A REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
A Smith & Wesson *ALWAYS* beats 4 Aces.
A Smith & Wesson beats four aces every time.
A bachelor enjoys the chase but doesn't eat the game.
A bad workman quarrels with his tools...
A bank manager is someone who lends you an umbrella when the sun is shining, and who asks for it back when it starts to rain.
A big enough hammer can usually fix anything.
A bird in the hand can be messy.
A bird in the hand is a big mistake.
A bird in the hand is better than one overhead!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
A book is the only immortality.
A bug in the code is worth two in the documentation.
A bug is a feature that didn't make it into the manual
A camel is a horse planned by committee.
A career is a job that takes about 20 more hours a week.
A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs.
A child of five could understand this! Fetch me a child of five.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
A closed mind gathers no intelligence
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
A committee is a life form with six or more legs and no brain.
A computer scientist is someone who fixes things that aren't broken.
A computer's attention span is as long as its power cord.
A conclusion is where you got tired of thinking.
A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it.
A critic is a man who leaves no turn unstoned.
A critic knows the way but can't drive the vehicle.
A day for firm decisions!!!!!  Or is it?
A day not wasted is a day wasted!
A day without fusion is like a day without sunshine.
A day without radiation is a day without sunshine.
A day without sunshine is like night.
A diploma proves only that you know how to find an answer
A diplomat thinks twice before saying nothing.
A dirty book is rarely dusty.
A dry sense of humor is better than slobbering everywhere
A field upgrade, HAL. We're going to make you IBM compatible.
A flying particle will seek the nearest eye.
A fool must now and then be right by chance.
A fool with a tool is a well-equipped fool
A fool-proof method for sculpting an elephant: first, get a huge block of marble; then you chip away everything that doesn't look like an elephant.
A friend in need is a pain in the booty.
A friend in need is a pain in the neck.
A good catchword can obscure analysis for fifty years.
A good marriage outlasts the first box of dental floss.
A good way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
A half moon is better than no moon at all.
A harp is a nude piano.
A hole is nothing but you can still break your neck in it
A hunch is creativity trying to tell you something.
A hundred years from now, none of us will give a damn.
A husband is a lover who pushed his luck too far.
A husband is proof that a wife can take a joke
A lady is one who only shows her underwear intentionally.
A lawyer's opinion is worth nothing unless paid for.
A learned fool is more foolish than an ignorant fool.
A library is an arsenal of liberty.
A little greed can get you lots of stuff
A little greed can get you lots of stuff.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.
A low yield atomic bomb is like being a bit pregnant.
A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available.
A man is as old as he feels. But never as important.
A man is only as good as what he loves.
A man should live forever, or die trying.
A man without a god is like a fish without a bicycle.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
A mind is a terrible thing to taste.
A mind is a terrible thing to ugg.. I forgot..
A mistake is proof that someone tried anyhow.
A mob has many heads, but no brains.
A narrow mind is usually accompanied by a wide mouth.
A neat desk is a sign of a sick mind.
A nuclear war can ruin your whole day...
A nudist has no reason to fear a pickpocket.
A paperless office has about as much chance as a paperless bathroom.
A penny for your thoughts. Mine are more expensive.
A penny for your thoughts; $20 to act it out.
A penny saved is ridiculous!
A penny saved is ridiculous.
A person with two watches is never sure what time it is.
A pessimist is never disappointed.
A phone call costs less than you think. Soon it'll cost more than you believe.
A poet is a kind of liar who always speaks the truth.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
A program is never finished until the programmer dies.
A rolling stone gathers momentum.
A sense of humour is the difference between ambition and achievement.
A seven day honeymoon makes one weak.
A short cut is the longest distance between two points.
A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
A too-short mini skirt leaves a definitive end in view.
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
A user friendly computer first requires a friendly user.
A user will find any interface design intuitive...with enough practice.
A waste is a terrible thing to mind.
A wife lasts as long as a marriage, an ex-wife for ever.
A woman cries before the wedding, a man after.
A woman will admit to being wrong on two occasions. When she wants something from you, and when it snows in midsummer. -- Robert Jordan, "A Crown of Swords"
AGGHHhhh, 4 AM Already!
ALTZHEIMER.COM found . . . Out of . . . something
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
ASCII silly questions and you'll get some silly ANSI
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
Absolute zero is cool.
Access Time - The time between the instant at which information is called for, and the instant at which management expects the final report.
Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!
Accidents don't just happen; they must be carelessly planned.
According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
After things go from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat itself.
Air conditioned environment - Do not open Windows.
Alas poor kiroY, I knew him backwards.
All I ask for is the opportunity to prove that money can't make me happy.
All I want is a warm bed, a kind word and unlimited power.
All computers wait at the same speed.
All generalizations are bad.
All language designers are arrogant. Goes with the territory... :-) --Larry Wall
All maskinvare suger, og mest når det passer som verst.
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
All that glitters is not gold. - All that doesn't glitter isn't either.
All the easy problems have been solved.
All things are green unless they are not.
All things are possible except skiing thru a revolving door.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
All women are automatically born with a shopping disorder
All you need to be a fisherman is patience and bait.
All you need to know is the user interface.
Alpha. Software undergoes alpha testing as a first step in getting user feedback. Alpha is Latin for "doesn't work."
Although the Perl Slogan is There's More Than One Way to Do It, I hesitate to make 10 ways to do something. :-) --Larry Wall
Always be sincere - Even when you don't mean it.
Always consider the alternative before making a choice.
Always draw your curves, then plot the data.
Always forgive your enemies. They hate that!
Always glad to share my ignorance - I've got plenty.
Always put the important before the merely urgent.
Always remember you're unique - just like everyone else.
Always smile. It makes people wonder what you're up to.
Always tell her she's pretty, especially when she isn't.
Always yield to temptation - it may never pass your way again.
Alzheimers advantage: New friends every day.
Am I ignorant or apathetic? I don't know and don't care!
Am I really seeking answers?
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Amnesia rules - O
Amusement is the happiness of those who cannot think.
An Elephant;  A Mouse built to government specifications.
An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.
An error?  Impossible!  My modem is error correcting.
An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less.
An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought.
An idea is not responsible for fools who believe in it.
An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction.
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
An unemployed court jester is no one's fool.
Anarchists of the world unite!
Anarchy means ignoring things that really piss you off!
Anarchy, No rules - OK?
And God said: E = +mv} - Ze}/r ...and there *WAS* light!
And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
And don't tell me there isn't one bit of difference between null and space, because that's exactly how much difference there is. :-) --Larry Wall
And miles to go before I sleep. -- Robert Frost
And now for something completely else...
And now for something completely the same...
And now for something ruder...
And on the seventh day, He took an aspirin.
And the days dwindle down to a precious few...
And then Adam said, 'What's a headache?'
And there he was, reigning supreme at number two.
And tomorrow will be like today, only more so.
Antidisestablishmentarianism!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, & complain. And most do.
Any given program will expand to fill all available resources.
Any given program, once running, is obsolete.
Any philosophy that can be put in a nutshell belongs there.
Any program that runs right is obsolete.
Any programming language is at its best before it is implemented and used.
Any sufficiently advanced bug will become a feature.
Any sufficiently advanced technology looks like magic.
Any technology that is distinguishable from magic is insufficently advanced. -- someone's restatement of Clarke's law
Any wire cut to length will be too short.
Anyone can walk on water, just know where the rocks are.
Anyone who can see through a woman is missing a lot.
Anyone who goes to see a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.
Anyone who remembers the 60's ... wasn't there.
Anything not nailed down is a cat toy.
Anything you say WILL BE misquoted and USED AGAINST YOU!
Anyway, there's plenty of room for doubt. It might seem easy enough, but computer language design is just like a stroll in the park.
Apathy Error: Don't Bother Striking Any Key
Apple Notebook? Is that an Apple Pie?
Are you a schizo? - If so, that makes four of us.
Are you out of my mind?
Arsonists of the world, ignite!
Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.
As of next Tuesday, C will be flushed in favor of COBOL. Please update your programs.
As your Doctor I advise you to drink heavily.
Asking the boss for a raise may not be patriotic, but it will help the government with the extra tax if it comes off.
Assassination is an extreme form of censorship.
Assembler - One who drops his card deck.
At first there was nothing. Then God said 'Let there be light!' Then there was still nothing. But you could see it.
Atheist = Deity Disadvantaged.
Avoid life - It'll kill you in the end.
Avoid the 5 o'clock rush - always leave work at noon.
BBS Tip #45: ALT-H gives you sysop access!
BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding.
BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.
Back Up My Hard Drive? How do I Put it in Reverse?
Backup Not Found: (A)bort (A)bort (A)bort?
Backup aborted: Please remove disk #92 and start over.
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (T)hrowup
Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..
Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat [Y/N]?
Bald: follicularly challenged.
Bank Rule: To get a loan, first prove you don't need it.
Bathroom scale: Something you stand on and swear at.
Be alert - your country needs lerts.
Be apathetic today. - I think I'll leave it till tomorrow.
Be aware of Programmers who carry screwdrivers.
Be careful! This taglines is infected by virus!!
Be consistent. --Larry Wall in the perl man page
Be sincere, even if you don't mean it
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors - (and miss).
Beat me, whip me, make me read mail online...
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Because . doesn't match \n. [\0-\377] is the most efficient way to match everything currently. Maybe \e should match everything. And \E would of course match nothing. :-) --Larry Wall
Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.
Behind every man, there's a woman with nothing to wear.
Belief: Acceptance of a proposition as true.
Besides, including <std_ice_cubes.h> is a fatal error on machines that don't have it yet. Bad language design, there... :-) --Larry Wall
Best file compression around:  "DEL *.*" = 100% compression
Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression
Beta testers go where angels fear to tread.
Beta. Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released. Beta is Latin for "still doesn't work."
Beware of Programmers carrying screwdrivers!
Beware of programmers carrying screwdrivers
Bigamy: one wife too many. Monogamy: same idea.
Bit - The increment by which programmers slowly go mad.
Bla bla bla bla bla bla bla.
Black Holes are Out of Sight
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
Blessed are the meek, for they make great scapegoats.
Blessed are the pessimists, they make backups!
Blessed are those who run in circles, they are wheels!
Blir du banket av Fantomet får du Fantomsmerter. -Gammelt jungelord.
Bliss *IS* ignorance
Blood is thicker than water, and tastier.
Blow your mind - smoke gunpowder.
Bombs don't kill people, explosions kill people.
Born Again Virgin.
Both of his feet are firmly planted in the air.
Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
Brady's First Law of Problem Solving: When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger have handled this?"
Brain: The apparatus with which we think that we think.
Breakpoint - The point at which programmer increments past last bit available.
Breathing may be hazardous to your health.
Britannia waives the rules.
Bug? That's not a bug, that's a feature.
Bugs are Sons of Glitches!
Bugs, like coathangers, breed if unobserved.
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.
Building Contractors, not to be confused with homemakers
Bullets speak louder than reason.
Bullshit makes the flowers grow and that's beautiful.
Bungee Jumper? Catch you on the rebound.
Bureaucrats cut red tape, lengthwise.
Bus error (Passengers dumped)
But honey, I wouldn't be up so late on a faster machine!
But my little voice TOLD me to do it!
But what if I'm a figment of my OWN imagination?
Buy Land Now.  It's Not Being Made Any More.
Buy a Pentium 586/200 so you can reboot faster.
Buy a Pentium III so you can reboot faster.
C Code,C Code Compile,C Code Fail,C Programmer Punch Wall
C: The speed of Assembler w/the flexibility of Assembler
C:\ Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key
COFFEE.EXE Missing---Insert Cup and Press Any Key.
COMMAND:  A suggestion made to a computer.
CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?
CONGRESS.SYS corrupt. Re-boot Washington.DC?
CYCLIC REDUNDANCY CHECK: Stocktaking at a Bike shop.
Call me if you need my phone number!
Can I speak to someone higher up the food-chain please?
Can I yell "movie" in a crowded firehouse?
Can I yell 'movie' in a crowded firehouse??
Can you find the mispelled word in hear?
Can you repeat the part after "Listen very carefully"?
Canadian DOS prompt: EH?\>
Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
Captain we're at 1700 CPS. The UARTs canna take much more
Card-carrying member of the cultural elite.
Careful. I know Karate and a few other foreign words.
Castration takes balls.
Catholic girls, they never confess.
Cats are smarter than dogs. Eight cats won't pull a sled.
Cause of crash: Inadvertent contact with the ground.
Celibacy is not hereditary.
Chaining - A method of attaching programmers to desk, to speed up output.
Change is inevitable. Except from a vending machine.
Charity covers a multitude of sins, but curiosity soon uncovers them again.
Chastity is curable, if detected early.
Checkpoint - The location from which a programmer draws his salary.
Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
Chemists don't die, they just stop reacting!
Chris Rea, The annoying sound from hell.
Christ died for our sins, so let's not disappoint him.
Christmas comes, but once a year is enough.
Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.
Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get.
Climate is what you expect. Weather is what you get.
Clones are people two.
Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery.
Close your eyes and press escape three times.
Cocaine isn't what it is cracked up to be.
Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.
Committee: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Common sense isn't...
Compatible: Blows up a little later than Incompatible
Compatible: Gracefully accepts erroneous data from any source.
Competence always contains the seeds of incompetence.
Computer Science: solving today's problems tomorrow.
Computer analyst to programmer: "You start coding. I'll go find out what they want."
Computer and car salesmen differ in that the latter know when they are lying.
Computer programmers do it byte by byte.
Computer programmers don't byte, they nibble a bit.
Computer: a million morons working at the speed of light.
Computers All Wait at the Same Speed!
Computers are a more fun way to do the same work you'd have to do without them.
Computers are like air conditioners. They stop working when you open Windows
Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.
Computers are useless; they can only give answers.
Computers can never replace human stupidity.
Computers follow your orders, not your intentions.
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
Computers run on faith, not electrons.
Condense soup, not books!
Condom - external storage.
Condominiums are not effective birth control.
Conformity obstructs progress.
Confucius say: I didn't say that!
Confucius say: Man who meows ate pussy!
Confucius say: Those who quote me are fools.
Confusion not only reigns, it pours.
Conscience is the little thing that tells you someone is sure to find out.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Conservative: One who admires old, dead liberals.
Constipation is the thief of time.
Converse with any plankton lately?
Core storage - A receptacle for the center section of apples.
Could crop circles be the work of a cereal killer?
Couldn't myself have better it said.
Counter - An area over which drinks are served.
Cover your stump before you hump.
Crash - What a detached programmer would dearly love to do, for at least eight hours.
Credit card owner -- Member of the debt set
Crime does not pay...as well as politics.
Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime?
Crime wouldn't pay if the Government ran it.
Criminal lawyer. Isn't that redundant?
Cross river *THEN* insult alligator.
Cunnilingus is a real tongue twister!
Curiosity didn't kill the cat. I got 'im with the mower!
D.A.M. - Mothers Against Dyslexia
DANGER! Computer store ahead, hide wallet!
DEFINE: De ting you get for breaking de law.
DEFINITION: Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
DEVICE=EXXON.SYS may mess up your environment
DIVORCE =system("echo y| erase \wife\*.*" );
DIVORCE=system('echo y | erase \wife\*.*');
DO NOT ADJUST YOUR MIND - the fault is with reality
DO {nothing} WHILE (HearFromMe==0)
DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS
DOS Tip #1: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS
DOS Tip #2: Add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
DOS never says 'EXCELLENT command or filename'...
DOS=HIGH? I knew it was on something!
DOWN WITH EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!
Daddy, what does 'FORMATTING DRIVE C:.....' mean ?
Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C mean?
Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C: mean?
Dain Bramaged.
Dangerous exercise: Jumping to conclusions.
Database administrators do it with their relations.
Dawn: The time when men of reason go to bed.
Dead people are cool.
Death is 99 per cent fatal to laboratory rats.
Death is hereditary.
Death is just God's way of dropping Carrier Detect
Death is life's answer to the question 'Why?'
Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.
Death to Vermin.
Death: to stop sinning suddenly.
Debrief: Wife listening while you talk in your sleep.
Default - De line west of which de state of California will float off to sea at de next major quake.
Dentist's famous last words: "You won't feel a thing..."
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
Det var faktisk den berømte sovjetiske oppfinneren Regus Patoff som oppfant båre PCen og Internett, og mange, mange andre ting. I vesten skriver vi ofte navnet hans feil, nemlig Reg. US. Pat. Off., og dette har ført til mange misforståelser.
Device - Medieval torture instrument such as thumbscrew, iron maiden.
Did Debra Winger way to Hollywood?
Did ya hear? They took the word gullible out of the dictionary!
Did you expect mere proof to sway my opinion?
Dinner Not Ready: (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza
Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" till you can find a rock. -- Wynn Caitlin
Diplomacy: Saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock
Diplomacy: The ability to let someone else have your way.
Diplomacy: The patriotic art of lying for one's country.
Disclaimer: Any errors in spelling, tact, or fact are transmission errors.
Discoveries are made by not following instructions.
Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
Disks travel in packs.
Dislexics of the world, UNTIE!
Do NOT look into laser with remaining eye..
Do NOT look into laser with remaining eyeball!
Do fish get thirsty?
Do married women make the best wives?
Do molecular biologists wear designer genes?
Do not believe in miracles I rely on them.
Do not disturb. Already disturbed!
Do not merely believe in miracles, rely on them.
Do not put statements in the negative form.
Do radioactive cats have eighteen half-lives?
Do steam rollers really roll steam?
Do to the other fellow as he would do unto you. But for God's sake do it first!
Do unto others before they undo you.
Do vampires get AIDS?
Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Do witches use Spell-checkers?
Do ya really believe her when she says size don't matter?
Do you always hit the nail right on the thumb?
Do you have Bernoulli sauce in this restaurant?
Do you like me for my brain, or my baud?
Documentation - A manual which tells you how to use a program, system, or utility one version ago, and which is now unsupported.
Documentation is the castor oil of programming.
Does "PIRATE" software come with a treasure map?
Does 'Bad FAT' mean disk has high cholesterol?
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
Does killing time damage eternity?
Does the Enterprise use DOS v 2356.0?
Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children
Dogs crawl under Gates, software under Windows.
Don't Panic.
Don't Panic. Count to ten ... then Panic!
Don't Panic. The Earth is just being demolished for a hyperspace bypass.
Don't Take Life Seriously, It Is Not Permanent.
Don't ask for justice when what you really want is mercy
Don't be a fool; Vulcanize your tool.
Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.
Don't believe in miracles, expect them.
Don't buy furs, it takes trees to make protest signs.
Don't compute and drive; the life you save may be your own.
Don't confuse me with facts, my mind is made up!
Don't confuse me with facts, my mind's already made up!
Don't diet, download a virus to remove the FAT.
Don't do what I SAY, do what I mean!
Don't document the program; program the document.
Don't drink and drive - Smoke dope and fly home.
Don't drink water, fish breed in it.
Don't drink water. Fish make love in it.
Don't even TRY to THINK without proper tools.
Don't force it, use a bigger hammer.
Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts.
Don't lend people money. It causes amnesia.
Don't let school interfere with your education.
Don't let the computer bugs bite!
Don't look at me in that tone of voice!
Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.
Don't look now, but your file is unzipped.
Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
Don't merry...trallala....Be happy.....!! ???
Don't open the darkroom door; it lets all the dark out.
Don't overtax yourself; that's the Government's job.
Don't play stupid with me! I'm better at it.
Don't read everything you believe.
Don't speak now, and forever hold your peace.
Don't steal, the government doesn't like the competition
Don't sweat it -- it's only ones and zeros.
Don't take life seriously...it isn't permanent.
Don't take life too seriously -- you'll never get out off it alive!
Don't think of organ donations as giving up part of yourself to keep a total stranger alive. It's really a total stranger giving up almost all of themselves to keep part of you alive.
Don't use no double negatives.
Don't vote - it only encourages them.
Don't worry the next message will be better!
Don't you dare touch that 'ignore' button!!
Down with categorical imperative!
Down with ignurance!
Drama is life with the dull bits cut out.
Drink wet cement, and get completely stoned.
Drive A: Not Ready. Formatting C: while waiting...
Drive A: not responding... Formatting C: instead
Drive nail here [] for new monitor.
Drop your CARRIER. We've got you surrounded.
Drop your carrier...we have you surrounded!
Due to a hardware conflict, we will present you the greatest of .core-files
Dyslexia rules KO.
Dyslexics of the world untie!
ERROR 103: Dead mouse in hard drive.
ERROR: LPT1 not found .. Use backup - PENCIL & PAPER
ERROR: REALITY.SYS Corrupted -- Universe unrecoverable
EXPANSION SLOTS: The extra holes in your belt buckle.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Earth is 98% full...please delete anyone you can.
Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.
Eeeeuw! You mean you actually TALK on the phone?
Eier du fler enn tre ting, eier tingene deg.
Einstein rules relatively OK - in theory anyway.
Elevators smell different to midgets
Elvis Stamps: Where will your mail be spotted next?
Email returned to sender -- insufficient voltage.
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
Epitaph on a gravestone: Cheerio, see you soon.
Er ein lang mars omtrent 32 dagar?
Error - Disk Full Error, Now formatting Drive C: to make space
Error - What someone else has made when they disagree with your computer output.
Error 999: Impossible error.
Error Reading FAT Table - Try Skinny one? (Y/N)
Error opening CLINTON.LIE Cannot recover COUNTRY.USA
Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
Error: File not found. Fake it (Y/N)?
Error: File not found. Improvise? Y/n?
Eschew obfuscation.
Even if you aren't in doubt, consider the mental welfare of the person who has to maintain the code after you, and who will probably put parens in the wrong place. --Larry Wall in the perl man page
Every bug you find is the last one.
Every exit is an entrance into something else.
Every man reaps what he sows, except the amateur gardener.
Every purchase has its price.
Every silver lining has a cloud around it.
Every step you take becomes a twist of fate.
Every time I type 'win', I loose ...
Every valuable idea offends someone.
Every woman should marry -- and no man.
Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the priviledge.
Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid
Everyone is a genius at least once a year.
Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
Everyone is gifted. Some just open their packages sooner.
Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner.
Everyone makes mistakes, if not we'd all be single!
Everyone not using deodorant raise your hand ... Yech!
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
Evolution is a harsh mistress.
Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven.
Excuse me if I sound bitter....I taste that way too
Excuse me, can you spare an IRQ?
Excuse me, while I change into something more formidable.
Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterwards. -- Vernon Law
Experience, the name given by men to their mistakes.
Experience: a name everyone gives to his mistakes.
Experience: what you get when you expected something else
Expert: "ex"=a has-been. "spert"=a drip under pressure.
Explosion at sperm bank. Nurses overcome.
External Storage - Wastebasket.
F1[Panic] F2[Passout] F3[Smash keyboard] F4[Cry]
Fact is solidified opinion.
Facts are stubborn things.
Fahrvergnkie: (n) Sex in a Volkswagen.
Failure is not an option, it comes bundled with the software.
Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with your Microsoft product.
Faites chier la vache
Faith: Belief on insufficient evidence.
Familiarity breeds children.
Famous last words - Don't worry, I can handle it.
Famous last words - Icarus: Aaaahhhhhhhhh.
Famous last words - Jesus Christ: Father, beam me up.
Famous last words - Lion at the Circus of Rome: Burp..
Famous last words - You and what army?
Fat person: Nutritional Overachiever
Features should be discovered, not documented!
Features should be discovered, not documented.
Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity!
Find your aim in life, before you run out of ammunition.
First, they tax incomes; now they're taxing my patience.
Fixed Word Length - Four letter word used by programmers in a state of confusion.
Flames to dev/null/here/is/a/quarter/now/go/buy/a/clue.
Floppy Disk = Lower back trouble.
Floppy not responding. Format hard drive instead? (Y/N)
Folks who think they know it all bug those of us who do.
Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
Fools and their money become popular quickly.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
For any problem there is a solution that is simple, quick, and ultimately worse than the problem.
For every vision there is an equal and opposite revision.
For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
Forgive your enemies, but remember their NAME!
Forgiveness is easier to get than permission
Four minus two is one and the same.
Free advice is worth what you pay for it.
Freedom is just chaos with better lighting.
Fremmedord bør unngås med mindre motivasjonens referanseramme integreres på en relativt differensiert måte, slik at psykens prebevisste systemkomponenter blir strukturert forankret i den internasjonale korporalitet.
Friendly fire - ISN'T!
Friends come and go, enemies accumulate.
From my brain, an organ with a mind of it's own.
From the Department of Redundancy Dept.
GURU: One who knows more jargon than you.
Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.
General Failure reading drive A: Please remove your fist
Genius is perseverence in disguise.
George Orwell was an optimist.
Get behind early so you have plenty of time to catch up.
Get gun. Shoot computer. Turn off lights...
Get stoned - Drink liquid cement.
Get the facts first - you can distort them later!
Give a man an inch, and he thinks he's a ruler.
Give and you might receive. Take and be sure of it.
Go ahead, correct my typos. I'll make more.
God I want patience, and I WANT IT NOW!
God does not play dice.
God heals and the doctor takes the fee.
God invented women because sheep can't cook.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh
God is alive - he just doesn't want to get involved.
God is love...  Love is blind...  Ray Charles is God!
God is not dead - he just couldn't find a parking place.
God is real, unless declared integer.
Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
Good girls go to heaven. Bad girls go EVERYwhere.
Good girls go to heaven... but bad girls go EVERYWHERE!!
Good, Quick, Cheap: Choose Two.
Got my Uzi, got some Scotch...let's go to Disneyland!
Gotta go: I haven't eaten breakfast yet ...
Gotta run, the cat's caught in the printer again...
Gravity doesn't exist. The Earth sucks.
Great beer bellies are made, not born.
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
Growing older is mandatory... growing up is optional!
Gun Control: Ability to hit what you aim at!
Guns don't kill people. Bullets kill people.
Guns don't kill people... death does.
Guts: putting the name 'SYSOP' in your twit filter.
H lp!  S m b d  st l  ll th  v w ls fr m m  k yb  rd!
HA HAH HA HAH HAH <SMACK> ... oof ...
HARDWARE: n. The part you kick.
Ha. As a general rule, cats are mobile food consumption units with maybe enough brainpower to remember how to eat their food. Anything else they do is caused by the two brain cells colliding. Think of them as furry brownian motion that purrs. -- orc@pell.chi.il.us
Half of what I know right now will be obselete in 5 years, I would just like to know which half.
Happiness can't buy money.
Happiness is wanting what you have
Har du Nokia mobiltelefon med ordbok? Prøv å skriv "loffen" eller "fluktstol"!
Hardware - Nuts, bolts, and circuit boards "left over" after repairman has reassembled CPU.
Hardware, n.: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
Have a cold? Let me introduce you to Doc Jack Kevorkian.
Have cursor, will curse.
Have you ever talked into an acoustic modem?
Have you read the Penguin Book of Quotations. (I never realised penguins had that much to say.)
Have you seen my mind? It wandered again.
He died to take away your sins, not your mind.
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
He who dies with the most TAGLINES wins!
He who dies with the most toys is dead.
He who dies with the most toys... is still dead!
He who hesitates too long, must change his underwear.
He who is intoxicated with wine will be sober again in the course of the night, but he who is intoxicated by the cupbearer will not recover his senses until the day of judgement.
He who laughs last is S-L-O-W.
He who laughs last probably made a backup.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
He who laughs, lasts.
He who let woman on top is fucking up.
He's not dead, He's electroencephalographically challenged.
He's not the kind you have to wind-up on Sundays
Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of woman scorned!
Hello, I am part # !|* ||***| | * *** *| |||* |*
Help fight continental drift.
Help preserve wildlife. Pickle a Squirrel today!
Help stamp out, eliminate, and abolish redundancy!
Help the economy...buy something expensive
Help!  I'm lost somewhere in the Generation Gap.
Help! I've been possessed by a UNIX daemon!
Here, you go first, you're immune to bullets.
Heredity is the thing a child gets from the other side of the family.
Hey Santa, can I have a copy of your naughty girls list?
Hey!  Who took the cork off my lunch??!
Hey! Don't shoot that postal worker <BANG!> NO CARRIER
Hey, wake up! It's time for your sleeping pills.
Hi!  I can't remember your name either.
Hi, my name is Annie Key. Please don't hit me!
Hi, my name is Any Key. Please don't hit me!
Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
Hire teenagers while they still know everything.
History is a set of lies agreed upon by the Victors
Hit any user to continue.
Hmmm... I wonder what this red button does....
Home is where the computer is plugged in.
Honesty pays, but not enough for some.
Honeymoon Salad: Lettuce alone, with no dressing.
Honeymoon: time between "I do" and "you'd better"
Hong Kong, Son of King Kong
Honk if you love obscene gestures.
Honk if you love peace and quiet!
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Horn busted! Watch for finger...
Hot water Heaters: hot water needs heating?
How an engineer writes a program: Start by debugging an empty file...
How can I miss you if you won't go away?
How can you be so deaf with those huge ears?
How come there's only one Monopolies Commission?
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
How did I get round from eating square meals?
How do the Japanese do it? Because we let them.
How do women get minks? Same way minks get minks
How do you keep a turkey in suspense?
How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
How does Michael Jackson pick his nose? From a catalog!
How long will a floating point operation float?
How many weeks are there in a light year?
How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
Hva for slags folk er det som *kjøper* vann? Folk som ikke kan lese Evian baklengs.
Hypochondria is the only disease I haven't got.
I M a tru beleever in hour edukashun sistum.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
I always get my muckin words fuddled.
I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
I am a computer, dumber than any human and smarter than an administrator.
I am correct, the rest of you are wrong!
I am in total control, but don't tell my wife.
I am not 40, I'm 18 with 22 years experience
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
I am not arguing with you, I'm telling you.
I am not young enough to know everything.
I am the Shopping Cart that nicks at your paint-job.
I bet you I could stop gambling.
I came, I saw, I confused.
I can SPELL, I just can't TYPE worth a hoot!
I can keep a secret. It's the people I tell that can't
I can resist anything but temptation.
I can walk on water, but I stagger on alcohol.
I can't be overdrawn, I still have checks left!
I can't decide between EDLIN and WordPerfect 6.0...
I cna ytpe 300 wrods pre mniuet!!!
I couldn't care less about apathy.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
I don't have a solution but I really admire the problem.
I don't have a solution, but I do admire the problem.
I don't have all the answers, just those that count.
I don't own any slaves. My wife has one, though.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it by not dying.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
I dunno, I dream in Perl sometimes... --Larry Wall
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
I finally made my stupid computer faster; I dropped it out of the window, and it went really fast.
I find myself beside a stream of empty thought
I fårepølse er det fårekjøtt. I kalverullen er det kalvekjøtt. Eg er litt usikker på gjesterull og jegerpølse...
I gave up on my wife, and married my computer.
I get mail........ I exist.
I got everything but the part after "Now listen closely".
I have a dirty mind, I mud wrestle with my conscience.
I have a dream: 1073741824 bytes free.
I have a firm grip on reality. Now I can strangle it.
I have been poor and I have been rich. Rich is better.
I have but three enemies: fear, anger, ignorance.
I have my wife on a 4 year lease with an option to buy.
I have seen the data...now bring me some I can agree with
I have seen the evidence. I want DIFFERENT evidence!
I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
I haven't been ignoring you; I've been prioritizing you.
I haven't lost my mind, I am sure it is backed up on tape somewhere.
I haven't lost my mind, it's backed up on disk
I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on tape somewhere.
I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control!
I idiot-proof my programs, & along comes a bigger idiot.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
I just took an IQ test. The results were negative.
I know it all. I just can't remember it all at once.
I know nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooothing
I know so little, but I know it fluently.
I like your approach, now let's see your departure
I looked up my wife's family tree. Most of her relatives are still climbing around in it.
I love animals! But they all seem to taste like chicken.
I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy.
I love you more today than tomorrow.
I made it foolproof. They are making better fools!
I may be wrong, but I'm never in doubt!
I may have my faults, but being wrong ain't one of them.
I may have settled in shipping.
I may look busy, but I'm just confused!
I might be able to shoehorn a reference count in on top of the numeric value by disallowing multiple references on scalars with a numeric value, but it wouldn't be as clean. I do occasionally worry about that. --lwall
I multitask... I read in the bathroom!
I need a drink... where is the SPACE BAR?
I need a drink...where's the SPACE BAR?
I never get lost, just momentarily disoriented.
I never met a temptation I didn't like
I saw, I came, I cleaned it up.
I seem to have lost my phone number, can I borrow yours?
I snatch kisses. (and vice versa)
I still miss my ex-wife - but my aim is improving!
I still miss my ex-wife, but my aim is getting better.
I think I think, therefore I might be.
I think it's a new feature. Don't tell anyone it was an accident. :-) --Larry Wall
I think my learning curve has turned into a circle.
I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.
I think therfore I can
I think, therefore I am ... I think
I think, therefore I am confused.
I think, therefore I am.  I think.
I think, therefore I am... dangerous.
I thought I was a wit, and I was half right.
I thought I was mistaken but I was mistaken.
I told you a million times: DON'T EXAGGERATE!
I tried an internal modem, but it hurt when I walk.
I tried to drown my sorrows, but they can swim.
I t±ld yo±, 'Never±touch ±he flop±y disk s±rface!'
I tñld yoñ, "Neverñtouch ñhe flopñy disk sñrface!"
I used to be a schizophrenic, but now I'm lonely.
I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
I used to be lost in the shuffle. Now I just shuffle along with the lost.
I used to be schizophrenic, but we're all right now.
I used to jog, but the ice kept falling out of my glass.
I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
I was on a roll, till I slipped on the butter.
I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now
I will not simply say you are wrong, I will prove it beyond a shadow of a doubt.
I wish life has a scroll back buffer.
I wonder how much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
I'd love to, but I'm observing National Apathy Week.
I'd love to, but I'm teaching my ferret to yodel.
I'd love to, but I'm touring China with a wok band.
I'd love to, but my bathroom tiles need grouting.
I'd love to, but my favorite commercial is on TV.
I'd love to, but my patent is pending.
I'd love to, but the President said he might drop in.
I'd rather have a 3.5" hard one than a 5.25" floppy one
I'll get to it on the 2nd Tuesday of next week.
I'll have what the gentleman on the floor is having.
I'll say it again for the logic impaired. --Larry Wall
I'm Not Schizophrenic, And Neither Am I.
I'm an influential person, gravitationally speaking.
I'm as confused as a baby at a topless bar!
I'm easy to please as long as I get my way.
I'm immortal - so far.
I'm immortal...so far. - Earle Robinson
I'm in search of myself. Have you seen me anywhere?
I'm in search of myself. If you found me before I arrive, please have me wait.
I'm in shape ... round's a shape isn't it?
I'm just looking at your nametag, honest!
I'm not a complete idiot - several parts are missing.
I'm not afraid of flying, I'm afraid of crashing.
I'm not afraid of heights; I'm afraid of widths.
I'm not as dumb as you look.
I'm not as thunk as you drink I am.
I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week.
I'm not dead, I'm metabolically challenged.
I'm not even going to ignore that.
I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you!
I'm not lost, I'm "locationally challenged."
I'm not opinionated, I'm just always right!
I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this?
I'm not rude, I'm "attitudinally challenged".
I'm not spoiled...I'm not, I'm not, I'm not!
I'm not worthless. I can always serve as a bad example.
I'm spending a year dead for tax purposes.
I'm very ernest!
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
I've been seduced by the chocolate side of the force.
I've got a mind like a.. a.. what's that thing called?
I've got morals. I just don't know where they are.
I've got to sit down and work out where I stand.
I've had BETA days ... and nights!!!
I've met zucchini with more potential.
I've seen condom vending machines, but this one installs.
I've seen the future. I can't afford it.
I've tried (in vi) "g/[a-z]\n[a-z]/s//_/"...but that doesn't cut it. Any ideas? (I take it that it may be a two-pass sort of solution). In the first pass, install perl. :-) Larry Wall
I/O Device - Note you sign for the bank in order to get loan for new (old) car.
INTERLACE: To tie two boots together.
Idiot proof? No,that presumes a finite number of idiots
Idiots try to maintain order - A genius can control chaos
If (Wife = "yes") then (MONEY = "Gone") else Single
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If Bill Gates had a dime for every time Windows crashed... Oh, wait a minute, he already does.
If DOS means "Denial Of Service" what's MS-DOS? And why should I tell it to "win"?
If God had not meant us to write on walls, he would never have given us an example.
If I allowed "next $label" then I'd also have to allow "goto $label", and I don't think you really want that... :-) --Larry Wall
If I don't document something, it's usually either for a good reason, or a bad reason. In this case it's a good reason. :-) --Larry Wall
If I had anything witty to say, I wouldn't put it here.
If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders. -- Hal Abelson
If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulder of giants. -- Isaac Newton
If I save time, when do I get it back ?
If I throw a cat out the car window, is it kitty litter?
If I want your opinion I'll beat it out of you!
If Version 1.0 works someone goofed...
If a fly has no wings would you call him a walk?
If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
If a train station is where the train stops, what is a work station?
If a woman wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.
If all goes well, you've overlooked something!
If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail
If an aborigine drafted an IQ test, all of Western civilization would presumably flunk it. -- Stanley Garn
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong
If at first we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.
If at first you don't succeed, call it Ver 1.0
If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0.
If at first you don't succeed, erase all evidence that you ever tried.
If at first you don't succeed, hide your astonishment.
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success!
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil . . .
If flies didn't have wings, would they be walks?
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy folks?
If in doubt, make it sound convincing.
If it doesn't have recursive function calls, Real Software Engineers don't program in it.
If it glows don't touch it!
If it has feelings, its not cooked enough!
If it has tits or tires, there will be problems.
If it isn't broken, don't fix it.
If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing
If it jams, force it....If it breaks, it needed replacing
If it screams, it's not food, yet....
If it works, rip it apart and find out why!
If it works, you must have done something wrong.
If it's not going to plan, maybe there never was a plan.
If it's not on fire, it's a software problem.
If it's not worth doing well, it's not worth doing.
If it's obvious, it's obviously wrong.
If it's stupid and works, then it ain't stupid
If it's useless, it will have to be documented.
If love is blind, lingerie makes great braille.
If love is blind, why is Lingerie so popular?
If nobody measures up, check your yardstick.
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
If only women came with pull-down menus and on-line help!
If reality wants to get in touch, it knows where I am.
If screwups were dollars, I'd be a millionaire!!
If she can't take the heat, get her out of the oven!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce today would cost $100, get a million miles to the gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
If the box says ``Windows 95 or better'', it should run on Linux, right? --anon
If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a fax?
If the thread ended in her jeans, should we follow it?
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
If there's one thing I can't stand, it's intolerance.
If things improve with age, I'm nearly MAGNIFICENT!
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal.
If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
If wishes were horses, dogfood would be a lot cheaper.
If women didn't exist, then all the money in the world would be worthless.
If words could speak, wonder what they'd say?
If ya can't beat 'em.......RUN!
If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!
If you can't be good, be careful.
If you can't debug it, deplug it.
If you can't laugh at yourself ... I'll do it for you.
If you can't make it good, make it big.
If you can't make it good, make it expensive.
If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.
If you don't care where you are, then you aren't lost...
If you don't like my opinion of you - improve yourself!
If you don't think women are explosive, drop one!
If you don't think women are explosive, drop one!!!
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
If you have nothing to do, don't do it here.
If you have nothing to say, please only say it once!
If you really want to know, you won't ask me.
If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast.
If you tell someone there are 400 billion stars, they will believe you.  If you tell them the bench has wet paint, they will touch it.
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
If you want her to show emotion, cut up her credit cards.
If you want the last word with a woman, apologize.
If you want to program in C, program in C. It's a nice language. I use it occasionally... :-) --Larry Wall
If you're happy and you know it, clunk your chains.
If your computer says, "Printer out of Paper," this problem cannot be resolved by continuously clicking the "OK" button.
Ignorance can be cured.  Stupid is forever.
Illiterate?... Write for free help.
Imagery is All In The Mind.
Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality
In a few minutes a computer can make a mistake so great that it would take many men many months to equal it.
In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a pole.
In an empty head, you can hear forever....
In case of fire, yell "FIRE!"
In computer science, we stand on each other's feet. -- Brian K. Reed
In cyberspace, no one can hear you scream...
In diskspace, noone can hear you scream.
In some ways we are more confused than ever, but we feel that we are confused on a higher level and about more important things. -- unknown
In spite of all evidence to the contrary, the entire universe is composed of only two basic substances: magic and bullshit.
In the beginning was the word - and the word was four bytes.
In the race for quality, there is no finish line.
In war there is no substitute for victory.
In your CONFIG.SYS, you must specify BUGS=OFF
In zen skiing, you learn to become one with the snow.
Include this in your CONFIG.SYS File: BUGS=OFF
Individualists of the world, UNITE!
Inertia makes the world go round.
Inferiority complex: conviction by a jury of your fears.
Insanity is hereditary.  You get it from your kids.
Insanity is just a state of mind.
Insert New Disk for Drive C: Press ENTER when ready.
Insert disk 5 of 4 and press any key to continue
Insomnia isn't anything to lose sleep over.
Instant Human: Just Add Coffee...
Interchangeable parts won't.
Interstellar Matter is a Gas
Invalid thought detected. Close all mental processes and restart body.
Invest in negotiable blondes...
Ironic isn't it, that God gave the tortoise a drag factor of 0.03.
Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
Is an edited batch file a son of a batch?
Is it just me, or is 2400 not as fast as it used to be?
Is it ok to use my AM radio after NOON?
Is it possible to feel gruntled?
Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking.
Is that a hard drive or are you just happy to see me?
Is there an imaginary cure for hypochondria?
It did what?  Well, it's not supposed to do that.
It is always darkest just before you turn on the lights.
It is difficult to love mankind unless one has a reasonable private income, and when one has a reasonable private income one has better things to do than loving mankind.  -- Hugh Kingsmill
It is easier to be critical than to be correct.
It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one.
It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
It is much easier to be critical than to be correct
It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.
It is now beyond any doubt that cigarettes are the biggest cause of statistics.
It really bothers me when people cut me o...
It said "Insert disk #3", but only 2 will fit!
It said "Insert disk #3", but only two will fit!
It said "Insert disk 3..." but only 2 fit.
It takes courage to innovate, not imitate.
It was so cold, I almost got married.
It wasn't my fault your wife wandered into my house!
It works better if you plug it in.
It works! Now if only I could remember what I did...
It's 10:00pm. Do you know where your daughter is?
It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for.
It's all magic. :-) --Larry Wall
It's as easy as 3.14159265358979323846264338327950...
It's bad luck to be superstitious.
It's been a business doing pleasure with you...
It's better to burn out than to fade away.
It's documented in The Book, somewhere... --Larry Wall
It's easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
It's easy to be brave from a safe distance.
It's hard to RTFM when you can't find the FM...
It's hard to be humble when you're perfect.
It's like Deja Vu all over again...
It's not a BUG, it's an undocumented feature!
It's not a bug; it's an undocumented feature.
It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
It's not the bullet that kills you, it's the hole.
It's not the money I want, it's the stuff.
It's not worth it. I'm going back to bed.
It's only ones and zeros.
It's sad how whole families are torn apart by simple things, like wild dogs.
It's smart to pick your friends, but not to pieces.
It's starting to rain, .SQZ the animals into the .ARC!
It's tagline poker. Can you beat EIGHT aces...?
Its not a bug, its an undocumented feature.
Its rarely fun, never easy, and always expensive!
Jeg har sett lyset, men jeg likte det ikke.
Jesus saves....Passes to Moses....He shoots! HE SCORES!
Join the army, travel the world, meet interesting people and shoot them.
Junk - stuff we throw away. Stuff - junk we keep.
Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you!
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
Just don't create a file called -rf. :-) --Larry Wall
Just got a new car for my wife... Great trade...
Just what part of "NO" didn't you understand...?
Just when I was getting used to yesterday along came today.
Just when you got it all figured out: An UPGRADE!
Just when you thought it was safe to go outside...
Justice: A decision in your favor.
KEYBOARD:Instrument used to enter ERRORS into a Computer
Kamikaze Pilot Wanted: Experienced only need apply.
Keep Britain tidy, shoot a tourist.
Keyboard : Instrument used to enter errors into computer.
Keyboard not connected, press to continue.
Keyboard not found, think 'F1' to continue.
Kicked wide of the goal with such precision.
Kinky: Using A Feather. Sick: Using The Whole Chicken
Kite fliers keep it up longer.
Know what I hate?  I hate rhetorical questions!
Knowing Murphy's Law won't help either.
Kvifor ikkje med bamsemoms på bjørnetenester?
Language is fossil poetry. -- Emerson
Last words of Socrates: "I drank what?!?!"
Laugh, and the world laughs with you. - Snore and you sleep alone.
Laugh, and the world thinks you are an idiot.
Lead me not into temptation, I can find my own way
Lemmingineering - The process of engineering systems by blindly following techniques the masses are following without regard to the appropiateness of those techniques.
Lesser artists borrow. Great artists steal.
Let us be charitable, and call it a misleading feature :-) --Larry Wall
Let's say the docs present a simplified view of reality... :-) --Larry Wall
Library - An organized collection of obsolete material.
Life is a game. Money is how we keep score.
Life is a sexually transmitted disease
Life is a sexually transmitted disease.
Life is anything that dies when you stomp it!
Life is just a figment of my imagination.
Life is not fair...it IS, however, quite a circus.
Life is only as long as you live it.
Life is short, eat dessert first.
Life sucks, but Death swallows!
Life would be easier if I had the source code ...
Life would be easier if I had the source code.
Life's a bitch, and then you marry one.
Like the ski resort of girls looking for husbands and husbands looking for girls, the situation is not as symmetrical as it might seem. -- Alan McKay
Likelihoods, however, are 90% against you.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
Linux like wigwam. No windows, no gates, Apache inside. Ugh.
Linux, the choice of a GNU generation.
Live long and prosper... But don't let the IRS know.
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
Living poor is best left to those with no money.
Logic is the beginning of wisdom, not the end.
Lord give me patience......But Hurry!
Lord, grant me the companionship of those who seek truth, and protection from those who have found it. -- anon
Lots of people make sense, I want to make $$$
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Love is blind, marriage is the eye-opener.
Love is grand.  Divorce is twenty grand.
Love is grand. Divorce is twenty grand.
Love of money is the root of all politics.
Love your enemies. It'll drive them crazy.
Love your neighbor but don't get caught.
Low Order Position - The programmer's location in the chain of command.
Lunatic asylum: where optimism most flourishes.
Luxuriantly hand-crafted from only the finest ASCII.
M.A.D.D.:  Midgets Against Desk Drawers.
MACINTOSH stands for Most Applications Crash If Not The Operating System Hangs.
MASTURBATION...the human version of AUTOEXEC.BAT.
MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software is Only for Fools and Teenagers.
MacIntosh: Computer With Training Wheels You Can't Remove
Macintosh - The computer with training wheels.
Madness takes it's toll. Please have exact change.
Mail not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic (B)lame sysop
Mail your ideas written on the back of a $20 bill to...
Mainframe - Primary person who just got set up for the blame of the system crash.
Maintenance-free: When it breaks, it can't be fixed...
Make it as simple as possible, but no simpler.
Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Man has his will.  Woman has her won't!
Man loves little and often, woman much and rarely.
Man who run in front of car get tired; while man who run behin car get exhausted
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
Marijuana is nature's way of saying "high".
Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
Marriage?  Sorry, I can't mate in captivity.
Math Problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(13i)ý]-[sin(xy)/2.362x].
Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(ln(13e))]-[sin(xy)/2.362x]
Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence.
May the Porsche be with you.
May your screen live long and phosphor.
Maybe they'll send you a free upgrade...NOT!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
Me know gammar.  Me cood use it gud.
Me, indecisive? I don't think I am, do you?
Meddle not in the affairs of wizards, for poof... ribbit.
Melted fruit snacks found on Keyboard. Delete nephew [Y/N]?
Memories of you remind me of you.
Memory is a thing we forget with.
Mental backup in progress. Do Not Disturb!
Microsecond - Amount of time needed for a program to bomb.
Microsoft spel chekar vor sail, worgs grate!!!
Microwave Hint#3: Make a hole in the turtle's shell first
MilliHelen: Amount of beauty needed to launch one ship.
Mind like a steel trap: Rusty and illegal in 37 states.
Minds, like parachutes, work best when open.
Minds, like parachutes, work only when open.
Misfortune: The kind of fortune that never misses.
Mistress: something between a mister and a matteress
Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings.
Mommy! The cursor's winking at me!
Mondays are the potholes in the road of life.
Money can't buy friends but it can buy a better class of enemy. - Spike Milligan.
Money is like a promise, easier made then kept.
Money is the root of all wealth.
Money isn't everything. - It isn't even enough!
Money talks - mine says "Goodbye"
Monogamy leaves a lot to be desired.
Monopoly doesn't handle combat too well but I can add rules to it that will fix that. -- peterw@cs.man.ac.uk (Peter Wake) in rec.games.frp.advocacy
Moronization: a form of acculturation where people are encouraged to anoint themselves with the supposed benefits of a technology without understanding the engineering (or lack thereof.)
Most gays have heterosexual parents.
Multitasking = 3 PCs and a chair with wheels!
Multitasking = screwing up several things at once.
Multitasking causes schizophrenia.
Multitasking: Reading in the bathroom
Murphy was an optimist.
My Body's here, but my Mind's on vacation.
My Go  amn keyboar   oesn't have any  's!
My RAM's not what it used to be, so don't quote me.
My boss is tempermental. 50% temper and 50% mental.
My computer has a terminal illness.
My computer's sick, I think my modem's a carrier.
My computer's sick. I think my modem is a carrier.
My home address is A3C8:78BD
My home addresse is General Protection Fault in krnl386.exe
My inferiority complexes aren't as good as yours.
My lord, I have a cunning plan...
My mind is made up--don't confuse me with facts.
My mind's made up -- don't confuse me with the facts.
My opinions are my own but are available for a small licence
My problem is an 80486 brain in a 8088 world
My software never has bugs.  It just develops random features.
My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
My toughest fight was with my first wife. - Ali
My weight is perfect for my height... which varies.
My wife loves ME--it's the computer she hates!
My wife wears rubber gear and whips me. Ohhhhh Kay!
NETWORK: What fishermen do when not fishing.
NUMBER CRUNCHING:  Jumping on a Computer.
Naaah, real men don't read docs.
Nanosecond - Measure of time on Mork's planet Ork.
Nanosecond: Mork's stunt man.
Nearly everything you read signed "God" is just somebody putting their words in My mouth. -- God
Neil Armstrong tripped.
Network management is like trying to herd cats...
Neurotics build castles in the air. Psychotics live in them, and Psychiatrists charge them rent.
Never Underestimate the Power of Stupid People in Large Groups.
Never argue with a woman when she's tired, or rested.
Never attribute to malice that which can adaquately be explained by stupidity.
Never eat at a place called "Mom's". Never play cards with a man named "Doc". And never sleep with anyone whose troubles are worse than your own. -- Nelson Algren
Never eat yellow snow!
Never enter a battle of wits unarmed.
Never fight with a bear in his own cave.
Never hit a man with glasses. Use your fist!
Never insult 7 men when all you're packing is a 6-shooter
Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you...
Never lick a gift horse in the mouth.
Never mind the facts - I know what I know.
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
Never say "OOPS!" always say "Ah, Interesting!"
Never test for an error you don't know how to handle.
Never trust a person who says, "Trust Me"....
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
Never use a preposition to end a sentence with.
New religion? I haven't used up the old one, yet!
Newsbytes - Microsoft announce EDLIN for Windows.
Next time you wave, use ALL of your fingers!!
Nietzsche was stupid and abnormal. - Tolstoy
No Credit, Bad Credit? No Problem. No Money? Problem.
No animals were harmed in the writing and/or production of this document
No free lunch in an ecosystem.
No matter how much data you add to your laptop, it will not get heavier.
No matter what they SAY, size IS important!
No one feels as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
No sense being pessimistic.  It wouldn't work anyway.
No, I'm not going to explain it. If you can't figure it out, you didn't want to know anyway... :-) --Larry Wall
No, no, nurse! I said SLIP off his SPECTACLES!!
No, those pants don't make you look fatter. I mean, how could they?
Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.
Non-critical-error: Press to continue ...
None of you exist, my Sysop types all this in.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Not many people realize just how well known I am.
Not quite human any longer.
Note: No trees were destroyed for this posting. However, several bushes WERE brutally beaten!
Nothing is ever so bad that it can't get worse.
Nothing is foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
Nothing is impossible for anyone impervious to reason.
Nothing was ever accomplished by a reasonable person.
Nuke the Smurfs!
OK, enough hype. --Larry Wall in the perl man page
OOPS! You naughty creature! You didn't run Configure with sh! I will attempt to remedy the situation by running sh for you... --Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution
OS/2 VirusScan - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/y)"
OUCH! Got my floppy caught in my PKZipper!
Objectivity is in the eye of the beholder.
Objects on screen are closer than they appear...
Objects under T-Shirt are larger than they appear.
Obscenity is whatever gives a judge an erection.
Of all the people I've met, you're certainly one of 'em.
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most!
Of course I have backup tapes! Do you want last years?
Of course I know how to copy disks. Where's the xerox machine?
Off-Line - Uncharitable remarks programmer makes to wife or husband upon being phoned at 9PM to come in because system just crashed.
Old MacDonald had a computer, with EIA I/O...
Old programmers never die, they just terminate and stay resident.
On an electrician's truck: Let Us Remove Your Shorts
On the other hand, you also have 5 fingers.
On the unlabeled disk? HELL they're all unlabeled!
On-Line - Programmer trying to deal rationally on phone with management at 9PM.
Once I thought I was wrong - but I was mistaken.
One legged girls are pushovers.
One person's error is another person's data.
One picture is worth 128K words.
One tentacle, one vote.
One way to stop a run away horse is to bet on him.
Only XT users know that January 1, 1980 was a Tuesday
Only the mediocre are at their best all the time.
Only the winners decide what were war crimes.
Operator! Trace this call and tell me where I am.
Originality is the art of concealing your source.
Originality is the art of concealing your sources.
Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?
Our houseplants have a good sense of humous.
Out of the mouths of babies does often come cereal.
Out of the mud grows a lotus...
Outlaw junk mail, and save the trees!
Owners of digital watches: Your day's are numbered!
Oxymoron - Definite possibility
Oxymoron - Military Intelligence
Palindrome isn't one.
Paranoia is heightened awareness.
Pascal; Medicine for those who get C-sick...
People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. Neither should they nail up pictures.
People must not do things for fun. We are not here for fun. There is no reference to fun in any Act of Parliament.
People say I'm apathetic, but I don't care.
People who live in glass houses shouldn't!
People will die this year that never died before
Peripheral - Now you see it, now you don't...
Perl is designed to give you several ways to do anything, so consider picking the most readable one. --Larry Wall in the perl man page
Perl programming is an *empirical* science! --Larry Wall
Petroleum and coffee had no value a few centuries ago.
Philosophy: unintelligible answers to insoluble problems
Photographers do it in dark rooms.
Plagiarism is the sincerest form of flattery.
Plastic explosives will be appropriate later in the week.
Plato was a bore. - Friedrich Nietzsche
Please affix a 29-cent stamp on your next message.
Please save the above drivel for future reference!
Please type your Bank PIN number in your reply again.
Poetry is the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings.
Point not found. A)bort, R)eread, I)gnore.
Politicians are like diapers, they need to be changed often.
Politicians cut red tape....LENGTHWISE
Polls show that 9 out of 6 schizophrenics agree.
Polymer physicists are into chains.
Pornography? I don't even have a pornograph!
Power corrupts, but we need electricity.
Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.
Power doesn't corrupt people, people corrupt power.
Predestination was doomed from the start.
Press <CTRL>-<ALT>-<DELETE> to continue.
Press CTRL-ALT-DEL to continue....
Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.
Press all the keys at once to continue...
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
Press any key...no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
Pretend to spank me -- I'm a pseudo-masochist!
Printout - A document to verify data you know is wrong anyway.
Procrastination Day Has Been Postponed!
Professionals built the Titanic, amateurs built the ark.
Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.
Programmer - Red eyed mumbling mammal, capable of communicating with inanimate objects.
Programmer - a device for converting coffee into programs
Programmer's Time-Space Continuum: Programmers continuously space the time.
Programmers do it in loops.
Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN.
Programmers don't get sniffles, they get a CODE.
Programming is an art form that fights back.
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out!
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Psychic Error: You know what key to press
Psychoceramics: The study of crackpots.
Public Restroom-The only place a flush beats a full house
Puritanism -- the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
Purranoia: the fear one's cats are up to something.
Purranoia:The feeling that your cat is up to something.
Push the limit, and the limit will move away!
Put on your seatbelt. I wanna try something.
Put on your seatbelt. I'm gonna try something new.
Q. How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb? A. You're still thinking procedurally. A properly-designed light bulb object would inherit a change method from a generic light bulb class, so all you'd have to do is send it a light bulb change message.
Q. How many PC repair people does it take to change a light bulb? A. PC Repair has received your Email concerning your hardware problem and has assigned your request Service Order Number 39713. Please use this number for any future reference to this case of trouble. As soon as a technician becomes available you will be contacted.
Q. How many managers does it take to change a light bulb? A. Three. Two to hold the ladder and one to screw the light bulb into a faucet.
Q. How many staff managers does it take to change a light bulb? A. We've formed a task force to study the problem of why light bulbs burn out and to figure out what, exactly, we as managers, can do to make the light bulbs work smarter, not harder.
Q. How many technical support people does it take to change a light bulb? A. We have an exact copy of that light bulb here and it seems to be working fine. Can you tell me what kind of a system you have? OK. Just exactly how dark is it? OK. There could be four or five things wrong. Have you tried the light switch? Well try it now. OK. Look over by the door. Is there a little rectangular thing on the wall? It might be a beige color. Good. That's called a light switch.
Q: According to Intel, the Pentium conforms to the IEEE standards 754 and 854 for floating point arithmetic. If you fly in aircraft designed using a Pentium, what is the correct pronunciation of "IEEE"? A: Aaaaaaaiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeee!
Q: How many Pentium designers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: 1.99904274017, but that's close enough for non-technical people.
Q: What algorithm did Intel use in the Pentium's floating point divider? A: "Life is like a box of chocolates." (Source: F. Gump of Intel)
Q: What do you call a series of FDIV instructions on a Pentium? A: Successive approximations.
Q: Why didn't Intel call the Pentium the 586? A: Because they added 486 and 100 on the first Pentium and got 585.999983605.
Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
Queen Elizabeth rules, UK?
Question Authority, ask me anything.
Question _your own_ authority.
RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.
RAM disk is NOT an installation procedure.
REALITY.DAT not found. Press any key to reset Universe.
REALITY.SYS Corrupted - Unable To Recover Universe
REALITY.SYS corrupted: Re-boot universe (Y/N/A)?
REALITY.SYS corrupted: Reboot universe? (Y/N/Q)
RESTORE A: C:\VIRGINITY\*.* /S
Racial prejudice is a pigment of the imagination
Racial prejudice is a pigment of the imagination.
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
Read my chips: No new upgrades!
Read what I mean, not what I write.
Real Programmers aren't afraid to use GOTO's.
Real Programmers disdain structured programming. Structured programming is for compulsive, prematurely toilet-trained neurotics who wear neckties and carefully line up sharpened pencils on an otherwise uncluttered desk.
Real Programmers don't believe in schedules. Planners make up schedules. Managers "firm up" schedules. Frightened coders strive to meet schedules. Real programmers ignore schedules.
Real Programmers don't drive clapped-out Mavericks. They prefer BMWs, Lincolns or pick-up trucks with floor shifts. Fast motorcycles are highly regarded.
Real Programmers don't like the team programming concept. Unless, of course, they are the Chief Programmer.
Real Programmers don't play tennis or any other sport which requires a change of clothes. Mountain climbing is ok, and real programmers often wear climbing boots to work in case a mountain should suddenly spring up in the middle of the machine room.
Real Programmers don't read manuals. Reliance on a reference is a hallmark of the novice and the coward.
Real Programmers don't use APL, unless the whole program can be written on one line.
Real Programmers don't use BASIC. In fact, no programmers use BASIC after reaching puberty.
Real Programmers don't use Cobol. Cobol is for wimpy applications programmers.
Real Programmers don't use Fortran. Fortran is for wimpy engineers who wear white socks, pipe stress freaks, and crystallography weenies. They get excited over finite state analysis and nuclear reactor simulation.
Real Programmers don't use LISP. Only effeminate programmers use more parentheses than actual code.
Real Programmers don't use PL/I. PL/I is for insecure momma's boys who can't choose between Cobol and Fortran.
Real Programmers don't use Pascal, Bliss, Ada or any of those sissy computer science languages. Strong typing is a crutch for people with weak memories.
Real Programmers don't write applications programs. They program right down to the bare metal. Applications programs are for dullards who can't do systems programming.
Real Programmers don't write specs. Users should be grateful for whatever they get. They are lucky to get any program at all.
Real Programmers have no use for managers. Managers are a necessary evil. Managers are for dealing with personnel bozos, bean counters, senior planners and other mental defectives.
Real Programmers know every nuance of every instruction and use them all in every real program. Puppy architects won't allow execute instrucitons to address another execute as the target instruction. Real programmers despise such petty restrictions.
Real Programmers like vending machine popcorn. Coders pop it in the microwave oven. Real programmers use the heat given off by the cpu. They can tell what job is running just by listening to the rate of popping.
Real Programmers never work 9 to 5. If any real programmers are around at 9 a.m. it's because they were up all night.
Real Programmers scorn floating point arithmetic. The decimal point was invented for pansy bed-wetters who are unable to "think big".
Real Programmers think better when playing Adventure or Rogue.
Real Software Engineers admire Pascal for its discipline and spartan purity, but they find it difficult to actually program in. They don't tell this to their friends, because they are afraid it means that they are somehow Unworthy.
Real Software Engineers aren't too happy about the existence of users. Users always seem to have the wrong idea about what the implementation and verification of algorithms is all about.
Real Software Engineers despise the idea of actual hardware. Hardware has limitations, software doesn't. It's a real shame that Turing machines are so poor at I/O.
Real Software Engineers don't comment their code. The identifiers are so long they can't afford the disk space.
Real Software Engineers don't debug programs, they Verify Correctness. This process doesn't necessarily involve executing anything on a computer, except perhaps a Correctness Verification Aid package.
Real Software Engineers don't like the idea of some inexplicable and greasy hardware several aisles away that may stop working at any moment. They have a great distrust of hardware people, and wish that systems could be virtual at all levels. They would like personal computers (you know no one's going to trip over something and kill your DFA in mid-transit), except that they need 32 megabytes to run their Correctness Verification Aid packages.
Real Software Engineers don't program in assembler. They become queasy at the very thought. Real Software Engineers don't write in anything less portable than a number two pencil.
Real Software Engineers don't read dumps. They never generate them, and on the rare occasions that they come across them, they are vaguely amused.
Real Software Engineers don't write applications programs, they implement algorithms. If someone has an application that the algorithm might help with, that's nice. Don't ask them to write the user interface, though.
Real Software Engineers don't write in ADA, because the standards bodies have not quite decided on a formal spec yet.
Real Software Engineers eat quiche.
Real Software Engineers like C's structured constructs, but they are suspicious of it because they have heard that it lets you get "close to the machine."
Real Software Engineers like writing their own compilers, preferably in Prolog (they also like writing them in unimplemented languages, but it turns out to be difficult to actually run these).
Real Software Engineers play tennis. In general, they don't like any sport that involves getting hot and sweaty and gross when out of range of a shower. (Thus mountain climbing is Right Out.) They will occasionally wear their tennis togs to work, but only on very sunny days.
Real Software Engineers regret the existence of Cobol, Fortran and BASIC. PL/I is getting there, but it is not nearly disciplined enough; far too much built in function.
Real Software Engineers work from 9 to 5, because that is the way the job is described in the formal spec. Working late would feel like using an undocumented external procedure.
Real Software Engineers write in languages that have not actually been implemented for any machine, and for which only the formal spec (in BNF) is available. This keeps them from having to take any machine dependencies into account. Machine dependencies make real software engineers very uneasy.
Real Users find the one combination of bizarre input values that shuts down the system for days.
Real Users hate Real Programmers -- and vice versa.
Real Users know your home telephone number.
Real Users never know what they want, but they always know when your program doesn't deliver it.
Real Users never use the Help key.
Real programmers can write assembly code in any language. :-) --Larry Wall
Real programmers don't document.  If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.
Real programmers uses COPY CON PROGR.EXE
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle buttons
Reality is an obstacle to hallucination.
Reality is for people who can't handle drugs.
Reality is for people who cannot cope with science fiction.
Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.
Recursive, adj.; see Recursive
Reference Manual: Object that raises the monitor to eye level. Also used to compensate for that short table leg.
Reincarnation is making a comeback!
Religion: A set of doctrines put forth to be accepted on fail
Remember that you are unique.  Just like everyone else.
Remember when safe sex meant not getting caught?
Remember, if you're not in bed by 10:30..... go home!
Remember: You're unique,just like everybody else
Replace me with a computer? Why? It wouldn't work either!
Reset Universe (Y/N) ?
Resist everything but temptation.
Resistance Is Useless!   (If < 1 ohm)
Revolution is the opiate of the intellectuals.
Roses are red, and violets are too expensive for you.
Rotisserie: a ferris wheel for chickens
Round up the usual suspects!
Round, round, get around. I've gotten round!
Rubber bands have snappy endings!
Rudolph changed his nose to 500 watts. Blew a fuse.
Rugby is played by men with odd-shaped balls!
Rumor: NT means "Not Tested"
Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . .
SPECIAL OFFER! I proofread unsolicited commercial email sent to this address at a rate of US $500.00 per incident! Include billing address in your message and save US $500.00 per hour off ordinary address  resolution and tracking charge!
STICK: A boomerang that doesn't work.
STUPIDITY is NOT a HANDICAP!  Park elsewhere!
SWF, blonde bombshell, seeks man now. No SYSOPs.
Sado-masochism means not having to say you're sorry.
Santa uses 'The Club' in New York, a vest in Florida.
Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
Sarcasm: barbed ire.
Save a whale, harpoon a fat person.
Save energy: be apathetic.
Save the whales!  Trade them for valuable prizes!
Save trees, eat more beavers.
Say it with flowers - give her a triffid.
Scaldophobia: Fear the toilet will flush while showering.
Scenarios always come in sets of three: best case, worst case, and just in case.
Scheduled Release Date: A carefully calculated date determined by estimating the actual shipping date and subtracting six months from it.
Schizophrenia beats being alone.
Science asks why.  I ask why not.
Scientists discover life causes cancer.
ScoutCode 1.4 Sx P++ I- SB- O+ V+ H++ SU E- A+ BMZ++ M C SNL+ IN+++ KP+ W SP+ AU RL+ SS+ K++ EH- KO++ G LS76 WS++ BSSk2+ SM- F+ PG+ MB+
Seeing is believing, Touching is convincing..
Send $20 and I will doubble your IQ or no money back
Send me a dollar and I'll send 3 cents to your charity.
Set mode=Extremely verbose
Sex is only a pain in the arse if you miss
Sex on TV can't hurt you unless you fall off!
Sex, Sex, Sex... the pleasure of having a 1 track mind.
Sex: the most fun you can have without laughing.
Sharks don't eat lawyers. Professional courtesy.
She said I never listen to her...or something like that.
She said she had nothing to wear. I smiled.
She was another one of his near Mrs.
She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the June Flower.
Shell to DOS...Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...
Shh. Be vewwy, vewwy quiet. I'm hunting TAGLINES
Shift to the left! Shift to the right! Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte!
Shin - a device for finding furniture in the dark..
Shock me, say something intelligent!
Short people are vertically challenged.
Should we tell the children when we move?
Show me a good loser and I'll show you a loser.
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I will see a man who can't get his pants off!
Sigmund's wife wore Freudian slips.
Since when was a phone for talking?
Smile - things may get worse more slowly.
Smiley faces were meant to be annoying.
Smith & Wesson - The original point and click interface...
Smoking - think of it as evolution in action.
Software Independent: Won't work w/ any software
Software Independent: Won't work with ANY software.
Software is like sex; it's better when it's free. --Linus Torvalds
Software means never having to say you're finished
Solve the problems of the world: Vote anarchist.
Some days you're a bug, some days you're a windshield.
Some days you're the windshield, some days the bug.
Some people are afraid of heights. I'm afraid of widths.
Some people use computers to 'surf' the internet, I use mine to build it.
Some things have got to be believed to be seen.
Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma.
Sorry. My testing organization is either too small, or too large, depending on how you look at it. :-) --Larry Wall
Source file - One which was "appropriated" from one of the competitors.
Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
Space is an illusion, disk space doubly so.
Space is big.  Really big.
Speed Kills! Use Windows 98.
Spell chequers dew knot work write.
Spelling problems? use "error-correcting" modems!
Spice Girls had a Mel O.D.
Spice is the variety of life.
Stamp out philately!
Stealth condoms: she'll never even see you coming...
Still sliding down the razor blade of life
Stipulation #1: There will be no stipulations
Stop talking while I'm interrupting.
Stop talking! I'm out of aspirin!
Stroking a furry pussy will get you scratched.
Study art and logic - learn to draw your own conclusions.
Subvert the dominant paradigm!
Success is just a matter of luck. Ask any failure.
Such is life. And it's getting sucher and sucher every day.
Sudden prayers make God jump.
Support British steel - smelt the Iron Lady.
Support bacteria - it's the only culture some people have!
Support bacteria they're the only culture some people have.
Sure I can help you out! Which way did you come in?
Sure I know how to copy disks. Where's the Xerox mach
Sweet dreams of keyboards, gentlemen!
Switch - When management changes its mind.
Synonym: word you use when you can't spell the other
System going down at 1:45 for disk crashing.
System halted. There is NOTHING you can do.
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
Tact: making a point without making an enemy.
Tagline Lotto: ###### <- Scratch here for prize.
Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.
Take my advice...I'm not using it.
Take no prisoners, we can't feed them.
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
Tampons $1 a dozen! No strings attached!
Tandy - you can buy better, but you can't pay more.
Teacher said it was dain bramage...
Teamwork is essential. It gives them another target.
Tech Support: Having a tremendous grasp of the obvious
Television is democracy at its ugliest.
That must be wonderful! I don't understand it at all.
The Annuual Conference of Clairvoyants has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.
The English country gentleman galloping after a fox - the unspeakable in pursuit of the uneatable.
The Negative orgasm: "Oh no, Ohh nooo, OH NOOO!!!"
The Queue Principle: The longer you wait in line, the greater the likelihood that you are standing in the wrong line.
The Universe is ending. Please logoff now.
The above opinion is worth 2 cents.
The autodecrement is not magical. --Larry Wall in the perl man page
The best book on programming for the layman is "Alice in Wonderland"; but that's because it's the best book on anything for the layman.
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
The best defense against logic is stupidity.
The best way to accelerate a Mac is at -9.8 m/s}
The best way to keep friends is not to give them away.
The best way to win an argument is to be right.
The bigger they are, the harder they hit you.
The buck doesn't even slow down here!
The check's in the mail... Trust me!
The cookie file refused to answer, and this is the mail program trying to remedy for this situation
The cost of feathers has risen... Now even DOWN is up!
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
The definition of an upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
The earth is 98% full. Please delete anyone you can.
The first myth of management is that it exists.
The first three minutes of your life can be dangerous ... The last three can be pretty dodgy too!
The fish that escaped is the big one.
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades!
The gene pool has no lifeguard
The gene pool has no lifeguard.
The girl of your dreams is unavailable except in print.
The hardest thing about time travel is the grammar.
The man who dies with the most toys is dead..
The meek shall inherit the earth - in 6' x 2' plots.
The meek shall inherit the earth, if that's OK with you.
The mind is like a parachute - it works only when open.
The more you scream, the less you hear. (Fish)
The most expensive component is the one that breaks.
The name is Baud......, James Baud.
The only disadvantage I see is that it would force everyone to get Perl. Horrors. :-) --Larry Wall
The only dumb question is one you haven't asked yet.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.
The penalty for bigamy is having two mothers-in-law.
The pendulum has gone full circle.
The polls show 8 out of 5 schizophrenics agree!
The program is absolutely right; therefore the computer must be wrong.
The programmer's national anthem is 'AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH'.
The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.
The reason that people here get lost in thought is because it's such unfamiliar territory.
The road to success is always under construction.
The road to success is usually under construction.
The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made.
The soul would have no heart had the eyes no tears
The trouble with political jokes is that they get elected.
The truth is more important than the facts.
The tuna doesn't taste the same without the dolphin.
The wages of sin are death, but after taxes are taken out, it's just a tired feeling. -- Paula Poundstone
The wise open their minds, but a fool opens his mouth.
The world is coming to an end. Please log off properly.
The world is so big and so global now.
The young know the rules, the old know the exceptions.
Theatre is life - Film is art - Television is furniture.
There ain't nothin' in this world that's worth being a snot over. --Larry Wall
There are many times when you want it to ignore the rest of the string just like atof() does. Oddly enough, Perl calls atof(). How convenient. :-) --Larry Wall
There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days before Saturday.
There are no bugs, only unrecognized features.
There are two kinds of people, those who finish what they start and so on.
There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.
There can never be a computer language in which you cannot write a bad program.
There is an exception to every rule, except this one.
There is much Obi-Wan did not tell you.
There is no such thing as bravery; only degrees of fear.
There were computers in Biblical times. Eve had an Apple.
There will be no last bus tonight.
There's no future in time travel.
There's no sense being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway
There's no such thing as a free lunch, but you can always find someone willing to treat.
There's no such word as "gullible" in the dictionary. Don't believe me? Go ahead, look it up.
These settings will have no effect until you restart the system.
They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them!
They're bunnies. They're cute. It's what they do. -- anon
They're coming 2 take me away HEEHEE,HAWHAW,HOHO
Things working well, no problems. Time to upgrade.
This book is not to be tossed aside lightly, it is to be thrown with great force.
This building is so high, the elevator shows movies.
This is Unix land. In quiet nights you can hear Windows machines reboot.
This is the unix version of the LoveBug virus and in the spirit of such it depends on the user community to propagate. Please send this message to all of your friends and randomly delete numerous files from your system.
This is your brain. Postscript on brain your is This.
This isn't my tagline! Who put it here?
This isn't right. This isn't even wrong.--Wolfgang Pauli
This life is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual life, you would have received further instructions as to what to do and where to go.
This made me wonder, suddenly: can telnet be written in perl? Of course it can be written in Perl. Now if you'd said nroff, that would be more challenging... --Larry Wall
This tagline is SHAREWARE!  To Register, send me $10.
This tagline was created from many little letters.
Those who can't write, write manuals.
Those who can, do.  Those who can't, simulate.
Those who can, do.  Those who can't, supervise!
Those who can, do. Those who cannot, teach. Those who cannot teach, HACK!
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
Those with the weapons make the rules.
Three can keep a secret, if two are dead.
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
Tilt your chair back, your breath is effecting my RAM!
Tilting at windmills hurts you more than the windmills.
Time flies like an arrow - Fruit flies like a banana
Time flies when you don't know what you are doing.
Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.
Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so.
Time is what keeps everything from happening to us all at once.
Tip #9: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS
Tis better to be hunter than hunted.
Tis better to have loved and lost than just to have lost.
To all virgins.  Thanks for nothing
To be or else to be.
To be, or not to be, those are the parameters.
To err is Human. To blame someone else is politics
To err is human - To really foul things up requires computers.
To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.
To err is human, to eat Jello, is messy.
To err is human, to forgive is against company policy.
To err is human, to forgive is against my policy
To err is human. To blame someone else is politics.
To err is human. To forgive is unusual.
To err is human. To moo bovine
To err is human. To moo is bovine.
To err is human. To really screw up it takes a computer!
To every exception there is a rule.
To every rule there is an exception, and vice versa.
To get a loan you must prove you don't need it.
To get the point, rub a porcupine backwards.
To hell with criticism. Praise is good enough for me.
To iterate is human, to recurse, divine.
To know the road ahead, ask those coming back.
To our sweethearts and wives. May they never meet!
To test a man's character, give him power.
To unsubscribe from this annoying message thread send an email to: jakob@grimstveit.net. Copyright 2000. NO use of ANY of the words IN ANY OTHER ORDER is allowed AT ALL!
Today is a good day for you to jump in a lake.
Today is a good day to bribe a high--ranking official.
Today is cancelled due to lack of interest!
Today is the first day of the rest of this mess.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
Todays subliminal message is "        "
Tolkien is hobbit-forming.
Too much of a good thing is WONDERFUL.
Took an hour to bury the cat. Silly thing kept moving.
Took an hour to bury the cat. Silly thing kept moving...
Toto, I don't think we're in DOS any more...
Tourists: The only foreigners the French ever drove out.
Trees hit cars only in self-defence.
Trees moving back & forth make the wind blow...
Trespassers will be shot, survivors will be shot again!
Tried to play my shoehorn... all I got was footnotes!
Trust me -- I'm a Lawyer.
Truth is...you only know the lies - Danzig
Truth: The quality of accuracy (wrt reality) of a model.
Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo
Tubby or not tubby, fat is the question!
Turn right here. No! NO! The OTHER right!
Two Wrongs Don't Make A Right, But Three Lefts Do.
Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
Two is not equal to three, not even for very large values of two.
Two most common elements: Hydrogen & Stupidity
Two things I hate: People that can't count.
Two's company, three's the result.
UART what UEAT!
UNIX er for utvikling. Mac er for produktivitet. Palm er for mobilitet. Windows er for minesveiper.
UNREGISTERED EVALUATION TAGLINE
USER, n.: The word computer professionals use when they mean "idiot." -- Dave Barry, "Claw Your Way to the Top"
Ultimate office automation: networked coffee.
Unable to locate Coffee -- Operator Halted!
Unfortunately, Wife 1.0 is not upgradable
Unix *IS* user friendly... It's just selective about who its friends are.
Unix and the world Unix with you; VAX and you VAX alone.
Unqualified superlatives are the worst of all.
Unsolicited advice answers unasked questions
Unzip, expand, explode... What pervert came up with this?
User Error: Replace user, hit any key to continue.
User error: replace user and press any key to continue.
Users, losers -- what's the difference?
Variables won't; constants aren't.
Vegetarians eat vegetables-Beware of humanitarians
Veni Vidi Visa: I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.
Veni, vedi, VCR: I came, I saw, I dubbed.
Very funny, Scotty. Now beam up my clothes, too.
Veterinarians drive like animals.
Virginity can be cured.
Volcano -- a mountain with hiccups.
Vulcans have less fun.
Vultures only fly with carrion luggage.
WAITER! there's soup in my fly!
WARNING ... drinking tap water can kill your thirst!
WARNING! SAFESEX.ZIP is a Trojan
WARNING: my messages are offensive to morons!
WINDOWS stands for Will Install Needless Data On Whole System.
WOMAN.ZIP... Great program but no documentation.
WOW!... Short runway...but look how WIDE it is!!!
WYGIWYD -What you got, if what you deserve.
WYTYSYDG-What you thought you saw, you didn't get.
Wagner's music is better than it sounds. - Twain
Want to confuse people? Quote from the wrong message!
Wanted: Meaning of life - dead or alive
Wanted:386DX Fatherboard to have SX with my Motherboard
War never decides who is right, only who is left.
Warning, keyboard not found. Press Enter to continue.
Warning: Politicians can damage your wealth.
Watch where you go...remember where you've been...
Water + Malt + Hops + Yeast = Satisfaction
Wave to your neighbor, Word to your mother.
We are born crying, live complaining, die disappointed
We are not a clone.
We are the beta testers of the universe.
We are the people our parents warned us about
We are the people our parents warned us about.
We give nothing as willingly as our advice.
We have here the latest in primitive technology.
We have no solution, but we sure admire the problem.
We make our own fortunes and call them our fate.
We seem to have juxtaposed an impasse here
We should forgive our enemies, but only after they've been taken out and shot.
We take drugs very seriously at my house...
We want neckrubs while we're hacking, Chinese food for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and someone who will watch "Killer Zombies From Neptune" with us... and enjoy it. -- someone's answer to "What Men Want"
We were unanimous - in fact everyone was unanimous.
We'll burn that bridge when we come to it.
We'll give you piece de resistance and a tour de force
We're all sitting in the same boat: I fish, you row.
We're as similar as two dissimilar things in a pod.
We're lost but we're making good time.
We're lost, but we're making good time.
Well, enough clowning around. Perl is, in intent, a cleaned up and summarized version of that wonderful semi-natural language known as "Unix". -- Larry Wall
Well, to be frank, I'd have to change my name.
What are the instructions doing in the trash??
What are you doing? The message is over, GO AWAY!
What are you looking down here for? Read the message.
What boots up must come down.
What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
What do batteries run on?
What do you mean my Birth Certificate expired?
What do you mean, you formatted the cat?
What does ignorant mean?
What does this red button do?
What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.
What goes up has probably been doused with petrol.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
What has four legs and an arm? A happy pitbull.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
What is the possibility of this being added in the future? In the near future, the probability is close to zero. In the distant future, I'll be dead, and posterity can do whatever they like... :-)
What is this tiny hole in the bathroom wall for?
What part of "NO" didn't you understand...?
What principles? I'm trying to get elected!
What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?
What's black and white and brown and looks good on a lawyer? A doberman.
What's brown and sticky? A stick!
When God shook the tree of life, all the nuts landed in California.
When I think of all the people I respect the most, you're right
When I want your advice, I'll beat it out of you
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
When a cow laughs, does milk come up its nose?
When a girl goes bad--men go right after her.
When a man lies he murders part of the world
When all else fails, read the directions.
When all else fails, read the manual.
When all else fails, spend money!
When all else is lost, the future still remains.
When all is said and done, more is said then done.
When all think alike, then no one is thinking.
When an Agnostic dies, does he go to the Great Perhaps?
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
When choosing between two evils, select the newer one.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
When faced with two evils I like to do the one I've never tried before. - Mae West
When in charge, ponder. When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.
When in doubt, duck. - Malcolm Forbes
When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.
When in doubt, think.
When talking nonsense try not to be serious.
When your IQ hits 21, SELL!!
Where does weight go when you lose it?
Where's the ANY key?
Which is the non-smoking lifeboat?
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
Who is General Failure, and *WHY* is he reading my disk?
Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?
Who's General Failure and why's he reading my disk?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why can't we just spell it orderves?
Why can't women put the toilet seat back up?
Why do programmers confuse Christmas with Halloween? Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Why do they call this a word processor? It's simple, ... you've seen what food processors do to food, right?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Why do they tell us to watch "The Today Show" tomorrow?
Why do those that pay the least complain the most?
Why do we read left to right yet turn pages right to left?
Why do we want intelligent terminals when there are so many stupid users?
Why do women wear a pair of panties and one bra?
Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"
Why experiment with animals when there're so many lawyers
Why get even, when you can get odd?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
Wife to sleeping spouse: "Wake up! Who the hell is Tina!!?"
Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?
Willyoupleasehelpmefixmykeyboard?Thespacebarisbroken!
WindowError:003 DLL Error: Mistake is now in all file
WindowError:01F Reserved for future mistakes
Windows 3.1 not found: (C)heer, (P)arty, (D)ance?
Windows 95: The Dracula of Operating Systems -- it sucks up all your memory, bleeds your hard drive dry, and only works an average of 12 hours out of every 24.
Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "OS/2 found: Remove it? (Y/y)"
Windows is *NOT* a virus. Viruses *DO* something
Windows speed tip: type DEL \WINDOWS\*.*
Windows: Just another pane in the glass.
Windows: Point, click and.... PRAY.
Winter is nature's way of saying "up yours".
Wit is cultured insolence.
With Linux there is no Bill to pay. --Maurice Fonhof
With a mind like yours, who needs a body.
With friends like these, who needs to hallucinate?
Without Time, everything would happen at once.
Without my ignorance, your knowledge would be meaningless
Woman was God's second mistake.
Women - can't live with 'em and no resale value...
Women do come with instructions; ask them.
Women get minks the same way minks get minks.
Women prefer the simple things in life...MEN!
Women take to good hearted men. Also from.
Women were meant to be loved, not understood.
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
Women who wear mini-skirts sure are cheeky folk.
Women! Cant live with them, Cant live with them!
Women, can't live with'em, can't shoot'em.
Word Perfect 6.0: The Nightmare Continues
Words are not food, though sometimes we must eat them.
Words, 25› ea. Better quality words, 50› ea.
Work off excess energy. Steal something heavy
World Ends at 3pm; Film at 5 on WLKY Early News....
Worth seeing? Yes, but not worth going to see.
Would I ask you a rhetorical question?
Would a virgin be called a notyeterosexual?
Would it help if I got out and pushed?
Would you like to have some pizza with that sausage?
Written using Turbo Edlin V9.3 for Windows.
Yes my son, long ago mail was read 1 packet at a time.
You *can* trust the government...ask any Indian.
You are an example of why some animals eat their young.
You are confused; but this is your normal state.
You are in a maze of UUCP connections, all alike.
You are in a maze of twisty little programs, all alike.
You are making progress if each mistake is a new one.
You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories.
You can go home now, I can finish this without you.
You can never get rid of a bad temper by losing it.
You can pick your friends, but not your relatives.
You can send me to college, but you can't make me think.
You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish.
You can turn *any* conversation into one about sex!
You can't do that. It's been digitally cursed.
You can't hear everything you believe.
You cannot discover new oceans unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.
You don't have to know how the computer works, just how to work the computer.
You forgot to do your backup 16 days ago. Tomorrow you'll need that version.
You go to heaven...God sneezes... What do you say?
You guys use statistics the way a drunk uses a lamp post. More for support than for illumination. -- Jon Livesey in alt.christnet.bible-thumpers.convert.convert.convert
You had mail, but the super-user read it, and deleted it!
You have an important role as a negative example.
You have been selected for a secret mission.
You have mistaken me for someone who gives a damn
You have only a very small head and must live within it.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
You have the right to remain silent.... USE IT!
You have to be sharp to be on the cutting edge.
You have two choices for dinner: Take it or Leave it.
You hit the nail right between the eyes.
You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
You look like a million dollars. All in loose change.
You may use this opinion for a two week trial period.
You might be a pothead if someone says "hi" to you and your immediate response it "no i'm not!"
You never finish a program, you just stop working on it.
You used to be indecisive. Now you're not sure.
You want it in one line? Does it have to fit in 80 columns? :-) --Larry Wall
You will be the victim of a bizarre joke.
You will be told about it tomorrow. Go home and prepare
You will become rich and famous unless you don't.
You will never be younger then you are today..
You would if you could but you can't so you won't.
You're PC if you think a "chick" is a baby bird.
You're always seated by a crying child during long flights.
You're making progress, if each mistake is a NEW one!
You're never a loser until you quit trying.
You're not losing more hair, you're gaining more scalp.
You're not old, You're chronologically disadvantaged
You're only young once. You're immature forever.
You're the best thing since sliced tea.
You've obviously been educated beyond your intelligence.
Your aims are high, and you are incapable of much.
Your analyst has you confused with another patient.
Your boss is thinking about you.
Your ex just called....she's with the IRS now.
Your weapon was made by the lowest bidder!
Zen T-Shirt: Enlightenment Available - Enquire Within
[End of diatribe. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming...] --Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution
[If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses]
_ _ _ _ _ _ ////|||||||||||||| <-domino effect at work
begin  LOVE-LETTER-FOR-YOU.TXT.vbs|I'm a signature virus. Copy me!|end
break; /* don't do magic till later */ --Larry Wall in stab.c from the perl source code
copy *.txt > brain
double value; /* or your money back! */ short changed; /* so triple your money back! */ --Larry Wall in cons.c from the perl source code
echo "ICK, NOTHING WORKED!!! You may have to diddle the includes.";; --Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution
echo "Your stdio isn't very std." --Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution
echo $package has manual pages available in source form. echo "However, you don't have nroff, so they're probably useless to you." --Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution
emacs is a nice OS... but it still lacks a decent editor
hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY?
if ( original_ver == OK ) don't_upgrade();
if (instr(buf,sys_errlist[errno])) /* you don't see this */ --Larry Wall in eval.c from the perl source code
if (rsfp = mypopen("/bin/mail root","w")) { /* heh, heh */ --Larry Wall in perl.c from the perl source code
if you want someone to keep a secret, keep it yourself.
if(ThisDay()!=MyDay)DosSleep(ulTillNextDay);
last|perl -pe '$_ x=/(..:..)...(.*)/&&"'$1'"ge$1&&"'$1'"lt$2' That's gonna be tough for Randal to beat... :-) --Larry Wall
oh, lutum lenonium, commixtum caeno sterculinum publicum, impure, inhoneste, iniure, inlex, labes popli, pecuniae accipiter auide atque inuide, procax, rapax, trahax -- trecentis uersibus tuas impuritias traloqui nemo potest. uir summe populi, stabulum seruitucium, scortorum liberator, suduculum flagri, compedium tritor, pistrinorum ciuitas, perenniserue, lucro, edax, furax, fugax (http://grimstveit.net/jakob/pig_latin)
path=look\around\on\hd;desk\drawer;under\desk;hall\closet
pos += screamnext[pos] /* does this goof up anywhere? */ --Larry Wall in util.c from the perl source code
s = (char*)(long)retval; /* ouch */ --Larry Wall in doio.c from the perl source code
signal(i, SIG_DFL); /* crunch, crunch, crunch */ --Larry Wall in doarg.c from the perl source code
stab_val(stab)->str_nok = 1; /* what a wonderful hack! */ --Larry Wall in stab.c from the perl source code
str->str_pok |= SP_FBM; /* deep magic */ s = (unsigned char*)(str->str_ptr); /* deeper magic */ --Larry Wall in util.c from the perl source code
there, serving them drinks.
tmps_base = tmps_max; /* protect our mortal string */ --Larry Wall in stab.c from the perl source code
xna qh yrfr qrggr une qh yvgr å twøer
«Stupidity is like nuclear power; it can be used for good and evil. And you don't want to get any on you.» -Scott Adams.
«VBScript is designed to be a secure programming environment. It lacks various commands that can be potentially damaging if used in a malicious manner. This added security is critical in enterprise solutions.» -- support.microsoft.com